Everything is broken and I'm broke.

Everything is broken and I'm broke.

Things in my house that are currently broken or need fixed:

1.) The Ice-Maker. All the individual ice cubes have morphed into Voltron Ice... a conglomerate tumorous, shiny, wet mass that is taking over my freezer. I think there's some metaphysical analogy there, but I'm not even going to go there.

2.) The Garage Door Opener. Sure, the door still works. But I have to get out of the car in last night's monsoon to open the damn thing by hand. And then there's the hernias.

3.) The Hot Tub. I'd like to say that my hot tub is the home-base for wild Motley-Crue-esque parties and scores of half-naked women - resembling the infamous Grotto. But I'd be lying. We cleaned and drained it this spring until we had time to look at what's wrong with the heater - and yesterday I opened the lid to find festering mold and organic growth. That's healthy.

4.) The Front Door. Unlocked it blows open. Locked no one can come in. What gives?