Tommorrow is Amy's Due Date. Doctor says she's been ripe for a few weeks... can literally be any time.
In the meantime, poor Amy is growing uncomfortable, impatient, and ready to get this going. It's a strange situation indeed, literally just sitting around waiting for this to happen.
Doctor says that she could possibly induce at the start of the week if it doesn't happen this weekend, so I guess there's definately an end (or beginning) in sight.
Friday, August 27, 2004
Tommorrow is Amy's Due Date. Doctor says she's been ripe for a few weeks... can literally be any time.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Trev's Reflections of Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now":
The cause of all unhappiness and suffering in life is wishing things were different than the way they currently are.
In all situations you basically have two options. Change the situation. Or accept it as it is. What is NOT an option is being in a situation but mentally "not accepting" it by internally resisting it, grumbling, wishing things were different, being fearful that something might change ... all of which is internal "mind-stuff" that is ONLY real in your head.
Don't like the feelings of worry, anger, regret ... ? You don't have to deal with them. Simply accept your current reality as it is.
In the present moment, if you strip away your negative thinking, you have no problems. You are at peace - living in joy and with a "lightness." All of one's "problems" are basically false situations brought on by one's mind. You're either imagining and rehearsing some future event that is not reality or reliving something from the past that cannot be changed.
Right now is all you have. Enjoy the privledge of experience and Being.
at 8:08 AM
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
In my lack of originality this morning I present an "Archived Journal Entry" from years past:
from JULY TWENTY-THIRD, TWO-THOUSAND TWO
I took a walk in the woods. I could not sit anywhere - it was as if nature was against me - my enemy. She had the power to terrify my soul with one buzz of the horsefly. It swooped my ear - and my insides trembled with a fear and an urge to run - far away from the woods.
from JULY TWENTY-FOURTH, TWO-THOUSAND TWO
As I returned to nature today, I suddenly felt the reason she (nature) was so angry with me was that I was not married to her, and yet I was romancing her.
But today - so now - I expressed my intent - and now I sit alone, smiling within - surrounded by her long-legged trees, her perfectly choreographed "dance of the leaves," her delicious, melodious wind song.
And the insects' presence are beautiful accents instead of terrifying soul hunters.
And they say that she is cursed! Bah! She is my beauty, my bride, my sister.
And the eyes of my eyes are opening.
My God - how beautiful - a magnificent 'call and answer!' Just now, a plane flew overhead - man's triumph of the skies - a marvel of his creation. Then, shortly after, the symphony continued as, once the plane's vibrations were out of ear-shot, 2 geese took flight from the east, screaming and honking across the horizon to match man's cry.
at 8:21 AM
Friday, August 13, 2004
I'm beginning to realize that a large part of my personal suffering is the fact that I put too much of an emphasis on DOING and not enough on BEING.
I think this is what the majority of the world's sacred writings mean when they say (in essence): "Just do your duty. Don't worry about the results. Don't fret over what fruit may bear. Just do your duty."
In other words: Do your work and do it well. But don't put so much stock in it and by all means don't identify yourself with what you "do." Then, when your duty is complete, put your "doing" aside and don't dwell on it or let it roll around in your mind. You then have the time and energy to simply "BE." "Being" is about enjoyment of life (no matter what present circumstances prevail), character development, identification with the eternal, and serenity.
Yeah. I need that.
at 1:15 PM
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
In Joseph Campbell's "Myths To Live By" he discusses the difference between religious worldviews of the Orient and Occident. I don't have the book in front of me to give exact references, but I'll do my best to summarize:
ORIENT - All of life is a divine manifestation. There is one Godhead beyond all forms that drives the cosmos, is within all of Creation, perhaps even IS all of Creation. Individual lives are as the seasons of nature - they come and go in cycles. There is no real "ego" of the individual, in fact, one tries to separate oneself from any traces of "personal identity" or "ego" so that one can be simply a piece in the beautiful, organic, living organism of God called this Universe. Personal choice isn't what it's all about - which is detrimental to our Western ears. When making decisions, one would think in a much more holistic manner - not "What do I want?" but "What is my duty?," "What is good for the world?", or "What is the Way of Nature?" There is therefore no need for attatchment to any forms (your things, your relationships, even your life) in this world. All of it will end in a very brief time - or rather will RENEW in a very brief time. One may certainly enjoy those things (relationships and life), but only with the realization that one must enjoy them in the NOW, because the way of nature is change and soon those things will end. Constant cycles... all of which diminish the role of the personal self but exalt the idea of an interconnected, powerful, beautiful Intellegence behind the whole show. ALL of our names for "God" (God, Vishnu, Allah, Christ, Spirit, Tao, Shiva) are symbols that point to the undefinable Godhead. They are not "wrong" names, all are partially right, they just hold a fraction of the whole truth (like one personality trait of an infinite being).
OCCIDENT - All of life is separate from God. God is up there. We are down here. God can send his spirit to live within those whom he chooses (or those who choose him) but the rest are utterly separate. Creation is broken. Man vs. God. God vs. Nature. Man vs. Nature. All in all a very conflict-heavy situation. Individual lives are what its all about. We work our whole lives to secure and enhance our ego. We try very hard to distinguish ourselves from others as we build upon our personal identity. We spend our time competing with separate others at the job we've chosen so that we can buy the toys that we desire to have. The end of one's life then is very tragic as one has spent 80 years as a separate personal identity and now it is all slipping through ones fingers. Of course there's the afterlife in this view, but because man is separate from God, there's only a fraction of a chance that it will be a favorable outcome. Finally: Our God is the only God. There is no other way. All other ways are wrong.
Wow. Utterly and completely opposite sides of the spectrum. I stand in awe at the mystery of the whole thing. Perhaps in the end it is not "either-or" it is "both-and." Both are right... somehow. Or both are partially right. Or one is wrong...
at 8:39 AM
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Had a wild weekend including birthing classes, a baby shower, Lake Freeman, and some good reading.
Occasionally one says something that you know is a worthwhile quote right on the spot. Yesterday I uttered one of those sentences. As I was pining about how crappy my day was to Amy, a certain Kansas song came on the radio and as I turned the station, I pouted:
"You can't listen to Dust in the Wind on a "Harumph" kind of day."
May not be funny to you, but that's your problem.
Read some great material about the difference of general worldview between the Orient and Occident... which would make a great Blog entry for tomorrow.... so...
...more to come.
at 11:16 AM
Thursday, August 05, 2004
In the center of the city of Brahman (our own body),
there is a little house in the shape of a lotus flower
and within can be found a small space.
We should find who dwells there and we should want to know him.
And if anyone asks, "Who is he who lives in a small house
in the form of a lotus flower in the center of the city of Brahman?"
We can answer:
"The little space within the heart is as vast as the universe.
The heaven and the earth are there; the sun, the moon, the stars;
fire and lightening and winds ...
For the whole universe is in Him and He dwells within our hearts."
(from Chandogya Upanishad)
at 8:32 AM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
I recently got a copy of Ben Folds' "Rockin' the Suburbs" album. Simply put this is one of the best albums I've ever had the pleasure of enjoying. There's something to be said about simplicity, great songwriting, humor, human emotion...
A couple of the songs tied my stomach in knots. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't trying to choke back a tear or two especially during "Still Fighting It" and "Fred Jones Part 2." The honesty in those songs floors me and the musical accompaniment is perfect. There's something about the struggle against growing old that strikes an emotional cord with me.
Everybody knows it sucks to grow up and everybody does,
It's so weird to be back here, let me tell you what.
The years go on and we're still fighting it, we're still fighting it.
at 8:25 AM
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Within a day and a half (spanning Sunday Night until Monday afternoon) I watched three flicks that I've been dying to see.
1.) The Fisher King - 80's movie that is a retelling of the Fisher King myth in a modern American setting. Excellent story - I love mythology and it had "The Dude" in it to boot.
2.) Requiem for a Dream - This movie seriously screwed me up. I paced around my house for an hour afterwards. You'll never look at drugs the same. You'll never look at addiction the same. You'll never look at srippers/hookers the same. This movie does to drugs what "Unfaithful" did to adultry. Good Lord...
3.) Donnie Darko - I've heard about this flick for a while now and am so glad I saw it. Fantastic film about fate, messages from God, time travel... all set in a humorous and enchanting setting. I still can't put 2 and 2 together and figure out what exactly happened (or how/why it ended that way). I intend to watch the movie again with the director commentary on to catch all the foreshadowing, metaphors, and overall plot.
As it turns out, the levels of depth in Donnie Darko are so deep that there are websites and books to help figure out what it all means. You can take it at its surface level, but the symbolism and overtones are endless. If you've seen the movie already, check this out. (If not, don't spoil it for yourself)
at 10:30 AM