Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Ruining the Goonies

A friend of mine borrowed my copy of THE GOONIES because he had never seen it before. I sent him an email today asking how he liked it and THIS was his response. Of course, as a kid, none of these things came to mind. Now I'm never going to be able to watch it the same again.

Watched it Saturday. Very possibly the strangest movie I've ever seen.

Lets see, the girl in the short skirt decides (a) go in with what's his name because of a love interest (b) discovers that people are trying to kill her and goes crazy (c) consequently decides not to go up to safety (d) decides she wants to play "smoochie smoochie" with her love interest *while* the robbers are chasing her (e) walks the plank and nearly drowns and (f) kisses boy.

How did Brand survive a 45 MPH drop off a cliff into the trees? (How did that bike go 45 MPH?) Why didn't he just put air back into the tires? Or, how do you get the stems out that fast?

Why would you have a gate opening system that depends on replacing at least three parts every time? (Not to mention the chicken laying an egg.)

How did Data crash into the back door without a cable going *to* the back door?

How did the ship get out of the cave with the mast and sails intact???

Why didn't they just follow Chunk out the window to go get help? Why would you send the one person you *know* isn't going to be believed? Why not send at least one person up the well to get the police? (After all they sent Chunk earlier.)

How did they know they exact spot to start after 1000 feet by just walking in a general direction? And why did they leave their bikes in the middle of the road?

How did the guy know to rhyme the verse in the map in English if it was written in Spanish?

Why wasn't anyone upset there were only a handful of diamonds (maybe $100k) when there were billions of gold sailing away?

Why did they go *back* into the restaurant, even though they *saw* the body???

Why didn't the robbers take both bodies (instead of just one)?

Why did they start banging on the pipes underneath the country club? It only brought the robbers faster.

How did the SUV go so fast (through a bunch of other SUVs) even though they were in a race?

Where did the big dude get the Superman t-shirt? (I was okay with the pirate hat.)

Why not just throw the lit dynamite stick into the water? Either way you're not raining rocks on your head. For that matter, why would you need a "candle" if you could see sunlight?

How is it that Data was saved when he fell by the teeth/slinky combination? Neither one could hold more than 10 pounds. And just what was in his backpack anyway?

Why was short-skirt playing "chords" when there was only a single note on the sheet music? And even the most basic music people can tell the difference between F# and Eflat!

How did Mama get across the oiled log if the two sons couldn't do it?

And finally:
Was Mama played by a guy or a gal?




Allison said...

(weird, because i was just thinking about that movie yesterday...hmm...)

was he taking notes or something??? hehe.

see, it's one of those movies that you just enjoy...you don't worry about figuring it out. i hope i can still watch it! :)

erin said...

hmm...I've never noticed any of those things...but he brings up some good points...

Miss Wired said...

Someone else brought that movie up yesterday.

Some very good points your friend has.